Mike (perturbedbeats) wrote,
Mike
perturbedbeats

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I'm gonna break my rusty cage ... and run!

I'm not very happy today.  I was disgusted to go back to work after spending the last 2 weekends, which were 4 day weekends for me, in peaceful solitude wandering along the Oregon coast and then in Glacier National Park, Montana.  I felt so high on life and now I'm fading again, living in this routine life here in civilization.  Here, where the vast majority of us desperately seek to be as "comfortable" and "happy" as we can be.  We spend most all our time laboring indoors and away from nature.  How can anyone be truly happy living this way?  No wonder we get all sorts of terrible diseases.  It's because we live like this. 

But then I think of ants.  I have the highest respect and admiration for the ant.  Their life is labour.  They labour for the good of the colony and not just for themselves.  The vast majority of ants don't even reproduce.  They are sterile females.  There is beauty and purity in their labour.  They are similar to humans living in civilized society - the web of interdependence and extreme specialization that we have created.  Then I think about all the amazing things that we are creating though science and technology.  It allows us to achieve our dreams.  I try to inspire myself to work hard and enjoy my labour even though I'd rather be wandering in the wilderness.  It is in my heart to wander and play my music, to study and learn, and to teach others along my wanderings.  Just like the ancient bards of old.  It takes effort for me to live this routine bland life of labour and comforts.  So then why don't I go off and live in the wilderness?  I don't have it in me.  It's a Rousseau idyllic fantasy.  To do that would be escape and total freedom, but it is also impossible today.  Every bit of land is "owned" either privately or by the governement.  And humans, myslef included, are social animals.  We work together and help one another.  This is how we've evolved.  Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this.  I'm just not too happy getting back to my routine : /
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